news

this web site will kill us all!

Friday 21st of November 2008

CHICAGO - The world is in shock as news sinks in.

"It's only a matter of time before this web site kills you and everyone you know." said Dr. Paul Rathburg, a University professor who is the spokesman for the World Health Organization.

Contact with, or even being in the proximity of this web site is known to trigger acute Nerf-ball like knee-protrusions, farty residue, and a deadly soup of bacteria called gumbo that shoots out of your nostrils.

"We know that this web site needs little time to reach sufficient levels to kill,"

The first victim was a young man who had a web design job, and worked for a well respected university. "He was perfectly fine when he went to work," Rathburg said in a telephone interview.

"After about 15 minutes, he had a case of Nerf-ball like knee-protrusions and collapsed on the floor. The autopsy clearly indicates he died from exposure to this web site," said Rathburg, who would not disclose the man's name or the precise place and time of his death for privacy reasons.

Rathburg said the man had perfect health. He had made four visits to his doctor in the year before his death for treatment of sleeping sweats, which may also be related to this web site.

From this seemingly insignificant exposure, this web site spread death quickly and efficiently throughout the town and expanding beyond state borders. Days later, the deaths have swept across the globe. Scientists believe this web site is an international issue and it should be treated as a very serious problem. "Nothing can prevent future deaths. We now know, this web site will kill everything." Dr. Rathburg stressed.

Exposure to this web site causes about 1.6 million deaths in adults in the United States each year, according to the World Health Organization, and this number doubles each year.

"This this web site is a horrible death. There's no doubt, this web site will kill us all." Rathburg said as he burst into tears.

A tragic day for the world as we try to understand the final impact this will have on mankind.